Very rarely will I fall off the wagon so hard due to depression or anxiety like in the past; quite frankly, I do not miss that happening one bit. I also know that low points and relapses are a continuous part of life and healing. Despite that, when you spend more time feeling happy rather than miserable, you forget just how exhausting it is to be upset or worried all of the time.
I would be lying to you all if I told you that I have been walking around with my head held high and looking fierce and flawless (as I enjoy once in a blue moon). You want to know what my last week or two has really been like?
- Car mirror got knocked off and into the car by another asshole crossing the yellow line
- Yelling. Everywhere.
- Even broker than broke because mirror
- Not getting jack for working hard at my job (not even recognition)
- Boyfriend (unintentionally) got me a little sick
I have not worn makeup in at least two weeks. I am lucky if I felt like showering at some point. (Obviously I have showered, but work is really the only reason why.) I did a load of laundry today for the first day in weeks. My bedroom is in shambles, and I cannot even remember how it began getting that way. I walk outside with my hair unbrushed more often than not.
Hell, this whole past couple weeks are a blur. But I also know that this sort of thing happens to just about everyone; it just happens a little more often to those a little messed up in the head. I know I have a lot to look forward to and a lot I want to strive for in my life, but this period of time is where those things have only felt further away, which sunk me mentally a bit.
To those of you who have stuck around, even while I fell off the deep end for a short period, I thank you so much for understanding my struggle and believing in me and believing in what I do as a writer. And to those of you who are new and took the time to read and (try to) relate, I appreciate you and hope you feel like sticking around to see what I am capable of.