I think most of us have heard about this writing exercise. But I’m excited to see what you all come up with for a letter to your younger self! Chat in the comments and talk with me on my social media. Enjoy my letter to myself below.
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I know things are tough for you right now. Your mind is so foggy that you cannot see your fingers directly in front of you or the importance of aspects in your life. I wanted to write you this letter so you realize things will improve and that everyone telling you that is not bullshitting you. Don’t get me wrong – things will still suck sometimes; you will still feel ready to pull your hair out or slam your head through a wall due to stress and frustration. But you are able to make progress recovering from the storm cloud hanging over your head almost your entire life.
The biggest emphasis I can push is to not only get help but take it to heart also. I know you tried therapists a few times and did not get a heck of a lot out of it, but I promise you will. (Honestly, my therapist Pam is like one of my best friends.) When you open your mind to the experience and feel ready to tackle what is going on within your mind, only then will therapy serve you its full potential; you just have to put the work in to reap the benefits. Do not be afraid to acknowledge the pain your childhood and adolescence brought you, and do not discredit it as something that should not be felt. Denying the impact of these situations only hurts you more, so open yourself up in every way you can. I promise you will not regret doing so.
As you continue seeing a therapist and ripping into the depths of you hidden away for years, you will realize that you can cope without Nugget around. (Oh, I already know that losing her is the most painful thing you have gone through thus far; if you do not get this help, it will break you horribly.) Acknowledge her importance as a friend to you when you felt alone and treasure that. But do not cling onto that, for you must learn to stand on your own since you are now an adult in age.
While you get help, take time to think about your education and finances and their importance in your life in a clearer state of mind. I know college seems like a lonely bullshit experience sometimes with a dismal employment prospective, so why bother trying? The answer I’ve found at 25 is to try because you want to succeed in something you love. And you will remember how much you love the craft once your mind clears up a bit. As easy as it is to live in denial about the large student debt total, PAY ATTENTION TO IT. Defer or do whatever you need to do. Just look at it and do something rather than nothing at all. Pay your credit card off as a priority, too. (I’m having issues today because I did not do these things back then.)
The choice is yours. I do understand all of this is easier said than done in the mindset you are trapped in currently. However, I guarantee your life will benefit greatly if you help yourself sooner than later, my girl. Stay strong. You can make it through anything; you already made it through a lot. Realize that for me, please.
So Much Love,
Jess of the Future